It is your 34Th birthday and you are not with us . You were around  two years nine months younger to me so I don’t remember your birth. But as I was told your were born on a cold night of 30Th December 1980 ,9.25 p.m. at Chandigarh . I was told I was jealous of you when you were born as everyone started giving you attention . But I started adoring you after some time . I was a very quiet , shy child while you were social , loud and naughty .

 I remember you were fond of celebrating your birthdays and we used to make special arrangements for you. In childhood I remember you to be ill on almost all your birthdays . Mummy used to spend nights awake with you giving you medicines , steam etc . Sometimes you did not open eyes for two days , bronchitis was a problem for you . But you were a happy child enjoying every moment of life  and making everyone laugh. I was never excited about my birthday but for you we used to do something special every year till I got married. You were a foodie and mummy is the best cook so the match was perfect .

 Any surprise for you brought that child like smile on your face. On one such birthday you said only two of your friends will come for lunch . Me and mom prepared lunch and then your two friends came . After sometime two more came and two more . It continued till dinner , me and mom had to prepare more food . When mummy scolded you that why did you say only two friends you simply replied,”  Maa only two friends came for lunch in intervals i was not wrong that two will come at a time”. We all had a hearty laugh on it , you and your logic.That is what you always did make laugh people in a tense situation .

    Then I got married and you were very sad , I got to know after marriage that how close we were. It was difficult for you to live without me . We were both coping with the new situation . You thought of not to interfere in my new world and I thought of leaving you to be independent . Now I think it was a mistake , because in every tricky situation you called me for help , which shows you needed me . This is how the world is for men , they cannot cry” help” anywhere . You decided not to practice law although you did a law degree , you got a job and left for Delhi. I remember how you came without reservation in train when my son was born in Lucknow . You wanted to talk to me but we could not talk . 
   There was another birthday when me , my husband and my sister-in-law went to your flat and wished you with cake and flowers at midnight. There was  power cut and we cut the cake in candle lights , i could see your happy twinkling eyes Next day mummy cooked awesome lunch for all of us . 

You were making mistakes just like any other person but you were judged by losers around you . And I was as usual protecting you every time a person judged you .I clearly remember two of your birthdays , one was just after your marriage . You got married on 27 November 2009 and when we called you to be with you on your birthday on 30th December, things were already bad in your married life . You asked us not to come , I was confused and shocked , mummy was deeply sad on this. I wanted to ask what exactly happened why can't we celebrate your birthday but you were not in mood to answer any questions .

 Some ever concerned relatives again made a fuss about it that we are not there with him on his birthday after marriage . There is some idiotic ritual related to birthday after marriage , for those morons ritual was important not the man . Later on I saw some birthday pictures  of you on social media with a fake smile . I could see the  disturbed you in the pictures , we were not there but your father-in-law and his concubine in the pictures with you . That is what your so called wife wanted. My husband attended this birthday late night and did not get the good feeling . He asked me to stay away from your married life. 

Finally your so called wife left in January 2010 and you were depressed . I was trying to help you but I was not able to as I was pregnant and you were not near by . Then came your birthday in 2010 and 2011 , you were happy although I do not remember much as I was again busy with my two  kids . We decided to celebrate your birthday and new year in 2012 together at my place . You came from Dehradoon and parents came from Lucknow. I can’t forget the smile of yours when you saw cake on 29th midnight , Rahul (my husband)got the cake as a surprise. My kids were awake till midnight to see the  cake cutting ,our smiles and laughter could be heard from outside .

Next day you wanted to go for shopping  as it was very cold nobody was ready to go . Shopping was another passion of you , mummy was giving lecture that so many clothes are lying in Almira why you are buying more , you stopped made faces at her and went alone for shopping. It was day of 30th December , when you came back you saw all of us lying on same bed you joined us . Again the laughter begun , next day we went to Dilli Haat and you ate as if you are not coming there again . You played with my kiddos . Whenever you came to Delhi you usually went out with your friends . This time also you planned same but I don’t know what happened you came back and said I want to be with you all. Everyone left with lots of happiness and me , you again started talking like we used to do before my marriage . We used to talk everyday on phone or send messages . I used to tell whatever I have cooked and what is the first word my daughter spoke . One day you complained that you talk to mom daily but you do not talk to me . It was a surprise because you never complained this after I got married . You wanted me to come to your place in Dehradoon I promised I will come when winters will be over . That winter still continues. 

  Then you made a big strategic mistake in your case , you went to meet the girl in her office , I did not stop you is my regret . The girl repeated same things and lodged a police complaint too . You came with a disappointment and i said take rest . You slept taking my daughter in your lap, it was cute. You woke up and said you are hungry , i made "Aloo tikki" for you , you ate all and said ," i hope i left something for you."  Before police coming to my place we were discussing everything and planning accordingly . After the police coming to my place things changed over night . You did not tell us anything and your people misguided you . Your death is a mystery because we did not discuss anything , I do not know what exactly happened between 21 Feb to 26 Feb 2012 .

   Life goes on and nothing stops and changes when a person is gone . But for me life is not same , something deep inside me stopped and refused to start . I have many own regrets , I wanted to help you but I did not or I could not .Whenever I guide somebody I regret why I could not do this for you . On this birthday of yours when I see back I remember the amazing ,evergreen , smile when you saw the birthday cake , I remember little you saying nobody loves me everyone loves Didi (me) . And then  everyone just showed that extra artificial love and Mom calling you ,”Nautanki” (drama).

           Today I miss the heavy voice of yours saying," Didi iam playing with kids you cook something good for me." I miss the concern of yours about my health , I miss you saying ,”start earning yourself , stop giving excuses.” I miss you taking side of my husband instead of mine , I miss you calling me fatty but if somebody else called me that you gave the fellow a dose . I believe whatever iam doing is what you wanted to do but could not as you were gone too soon , iam just the medium. The community centre is my gift to you on this birthday , we made a place where men will open their hearts . I feel you in every smile I bring on the faces of men ,

Again there will be a silence at home we will call each other and talk everything except you although you are the one in our mind, we will ask each other to stay calm and cool and we will cry alone in some corner . You hated this name of yours but i will wish you by this name may be you come and give me a punch for calling you by this name. Happy Birthday Chimpu !


  1. Speechless!!! I know I m not the only one who cried reading this blog,,,a very happy birthday dude,,,

  2. It is male privilege, in family life, to be in a "no win" situation. To be treated with very little respect, love or equality. In fact, treated almost with disdain. The entire process is insidious and very evil. One is left with no access to encouragement, strength, courage, help and advice.

  3. Jyoti jee,

    God bless you and your family. Thanks for understanding the plight and pain of Indian men and fighting for them.

  4. Extremely heart wrenching to read! A young promising live is lost because the system failed...gender biased system designed to oppress the normal regular folks while the rich and connected escape!

  5. Your brother was lucky to have a sister like you. It's hard to say "u lost him" or "he lost you"..

  6. Everyone deserves a sister like you. Really was in tears. I don't know why people don't value person more than materialistic pleasures. Why are men thought as having no luck motions. Why women is referred to only wife and not mother and sister.


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