When I was growing up, just like any girl I was told that every boy is a potential rapist. So keep a safe distance to protect yourself from potential rapist. Now what is the safe distance nobody knows but it is told to almost every girl in growing age. We just assume that our boys are safe and they do not need any such warning . I lived this perception for a long time although it clashed with my observations all the time.

And then at middle of the life I was stuck with the potential rapists. Destiny brought me to the men’s right movement, here I was surrounded by alleged rapists, dowry seekers and violent men.Those who firmly believed that men can never be good ,raised eye brows of me working with THOSE KIND OF men. I was warned again and again that keep a safe distance may be the allegations are right. I was asked how do you judge or analyze whether a man is right or wrong. This time I did not remain quiet I told them firmly,“I have stopped judging them “.And when you stop judging you start loving.

I run a community center for men and for me all men are good human being. One day men in community center decided to go for a night out in some hilly area. I offered help in preparations, in return I was offered to be a part of the trip. I was a little skeptical about the trip not because the perception of, “all men are potential rapists came back “but I thought let the men community enjoy themselves. My fellow fighters wanted me to come and said they do not consider me different. So I was part of this Kasauli trip with eleven potential rapists and with of course the middle class values.

As the trip begin from Noida I was not sure how it will go as there would not be any girly talks.  I was always part of the women groups who will discuss make-up,recipes, men and jokes about sex of course. They hardly discussed politics,policies, sports or any national - international issue. And even if they discuss, MISANDRY will be the integral part of it. So from a long time I never went to any women gathering because it was no more bearable for me. About men’s company this was my first informal interaction.  We started from Noida in the morning. We were all together in same vehicle which brought loads of fun. The leg pulling among men is famous and it goes up to the insult thing. Best part of men is they will not mind it .So the leg pulling started and nobody was spared including me. We stopped at Murthal, the famous paratha spot. I took a break from the diet regime and had paratha.

Post lunch leg pulling session started again with all the dirty jokes. Music, songs and jokes made my motion sickness go away. We reached Kasauli in the evening. Last time when I visited Kasauli was some 19 years back with gang of girls as I was in an all-girls college. Weather was slightly cold but pleasant, we decided to have some refreshments and drinks at the resort. We discussed lot about movement over drinks and then third session of leg pulling began , our jaws got pain because of laughing lot and loud . At around 2 a.m. at night everyone was hungry. So we went on the roads of beautiful Kasauli at middle of the night to search food. It was a mesmerizing night with stars all over the clear sky. Hills looks magnificent at night and we were witnessing the beauty. Kasauli keeps its kitchen open for crazy people like us so we did not find any problem in finding food.After having dinner or breakfast or whatever it was we decided to sleep for some time, it was already 4 a.m. by then.

We woke up around 8 a.m. that too with lots of difficulty, plan was to check out and see the famous MANKI POINT at Kasauli. MANKI POINT is said to be holy as the story says Hanuman’s feet touched the hill while he was bringing sanjeevani Booti for Lakshamana. Atheists and theists went up to the hill stayed there for some time and came back, it was difficult for few but was fun. It was time to come back.

Pictures and videos were clicked in weird situations and oaths were taken that it would not be shared anywhere. When a woman is surrounded by eleven men she is supposed to get all the attention. But it did not happen, CONFIDARE training made these men think about themselves more than me. They treated me one of them and they talked everything on the earth without keeping in mind that a woman is with them. The best part of being with men is you do not have to think about what to wear,nobody will say this top does not match with these shoes or why you are not wearing earrings. I was myself with them and they were themselves.

We were tired when we were coming back, some of us tried taking a nap but the naughty elements kept on disturbing us.As we were approaching Delhi soon I was thinking where are the potential rapists whom I was told to keep a safe distance. The problem is with the mentality which makes them the usual suspect always. Also like attracts like when you think only one way it will happen to you eventually. Men are simple human being they accept whatever you offer them. You offer them love they will accept it, you offer them respect they will accept it and if you offer them sex they will accept that too. You cannot blame them alone because that is what society is offering them. You are offering them violence,hatred,disappointment, sorrows and you are expecting love,respect, peace from them. It does not go that way, make some more laws, blame men for everything and world will be another hell for all us.

This trip was a beautiful experience, an experience which I will cherish my whole life and will repeat whenever I get a chance. When people ask me you were alone with those men I feel like replying I know what you are thinking and you can think that much only, you will never realize that life can be so beautiful with them,I am the privileged one. Not everyone is blessed to have that experience. 


  1. 100% truth. Modern men are sacrificial lamb irrespective in this feminist society.

  2. 100% truth. Modern men are sacrificial lamb irrespective in this feminist society.

  3. You had a nice time during your trip, Jyoti! I have known another variation of the trip in which one girl (or two girls) goes with a few men. The girl needs to do nothing and she totally believes everything will be done by others and she could take men for granted and men do the needful based on her belief. And then in the trip, how can a man be rapist? If the girl blames one of the men, all other men only believe her and not the man and the man has to be careful as he knows this is going to be the way.

  4. dear jyoti ..
    Your story on the contemporary male community honestly written through the prism of your personal experience is by far the most endearing i've read in recent times.....Your all male road trip and a memorable holiday experience with the beast [commonly referred to as man], could not prevent a trickle down my cheek...God bless you for the most earnest and heart felt honor bestowed to the male community. regards rishi.

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