After three years of activism I don’t have a right to talk like a victim . In past three years I have counseled and coached so many men about how to be strong when life is going out of control . So it is not expected of me to be a weak person . But as festivities are around this thought is coming in my mind again and again that who's festivity it is ? I will not go into religious background behind the festivals , life is tough and monotonous so  the festivals were created to break that monotony . What if breaking the monotony becomes torment for people ?
                                 There are people around me who are fighting a war deep inside and I can see how these festivals are a big torture for them . But how can be a festival torturous ? I was talking to this fellow last night when he suddenly asked ,"do you feel depressed when festivals are around" ,my instant reply was, “yes” .It is indeed depressing for a fellow whose wife left him without any reason and now defaming him everywhere of taking drugs and beating her up . I saw my brother in same situation .
                               It is depressing for an old man who lost his wife and married off her daughter and then got his son married so that the house can be HOME again . But this daughter-in-law has created a mess in their lives . For them Diwali or any other festival is just like any other day when they have to pretend that they are happy . They have to wear that smile always to show that” all is well” . 

       What was the expectation of this man ? He did not want to be a millionaire , he just wanted to have a simple life with a wife and kids , what is wrong with that expectation ?
 A few days ago I got a call from a friend who met his daughter in court after four years and his daughter did not recognize him . He said he was preparing for this day for last so many years but cannot bear when this actually happened . What is the meaning of festival for him ? Still he will search the meaning and try to live like a normal person . 
         Festival has no meaning for an alienated father who does not know whether he will able to see his child ever or not .
 A close friend who lost his father during the fight against legal terrorism is in same situation , festivities around ,makes him more gloomy . How to console a couple who lost their son in the beginning of fight against legal terrorism ? They are far away from the world of feasts , joy but world around wants them to behave normal. 
            A smiling young man who is just out of jail because of one false rape case is deeply sad inside . He is trying hard to live a normal life , he will celebrate the festival  just as a routine life to forget what he has gone through .
   Iam asked the same question how it is sad for me , I have family ,kids . After all happy life means one couple and two kids so in that sense I have a happy life , so what if I lost my brother . But frankly festivals make me feel depress deep inside . It is easy to say that fight with that jealous feeling ,come out of it but it is hard, very hard .
             I never celebrated any Diwali with my brother after marriage but we used to meet on Bhai dooj  it was special for us , we used to hang out, shop ,eat out and had loads of fun together . It is awful every time when I had to remind myself  that it is all over ,search happiness somewhere else . Then there are these close relatives who will come and ask the most cruel and insensitive question “hey how was your rakshabandhan or bhai dooj or any other festival “ , what should be the answer I do not know . In the middle of a marriage function when you feel lost a relative will again strike you with the idiotic question ,” what happened oh c’mon lets dance “ , you feel like giving one tight slap but you will smile and say,” iam not keeping well “.
             The questions by society, family ,friends  are really amazing sometimes . They will ask a man with full audacity that why did your wife leave , what is going on in your case , why don’t  you just say sorry and bring her back  Or  settle the case and get married again . You feel like replying ,” did I ask you for the solution, why don’t you keep your stupid mouth shut and get lost !” But again you cannot reply that and you just wear that frustrating smile . Because you have this in mind that it is festival time and why to spoil  their festival ,Yeah it is their festival not yours .
       One thing is common in above all people , we are all victims of the biased thought process, the MISANDRY . In this fight against MISANDRY victimood is not allowed , we all have to rise above it and give it a tough fight . So leave this world around you with deeyas , rangoli and sweets and gear up to fight against the MISNADRY .


  1. किसके लिए दिया जलाऊ
    मन में दुख का पहाड़ लिए घूमते पति के लिए
    जो ठोकरे खाता है कोर्ट कचहरी की घर बचाने के लिए
    किसके लिए दिया जलाऊ
    हर क्षण पछतावे में जलते पिता के लिए
    जो देखता है अपने बेटे को यह दुख भोगते हुए
    किसके लिए दिया जलाऊ
    अपने भाग्य को कोसती माँ के लिए
    जिसकी बहू ने उसकी सभी संतानों के सुख चैन छीन लिए
    किसके लिए दिया जलाऊ
    भाई दूज राखी पर शून्य में ताकने वाली बहन के लिए
    जिसका भाई नियति ने छीना और उसके हक़ भी छीन लिए
    किसके लिए दिया जलाऊ
    असमंजस में अदालतों में खड़े नन्हें भविष्य के लिए
    जो देखता है अपने पिता तो याचना करते रोते हुए
    किसके लिए दिया जलाऊ
    झूठे आक्षेपों के कारण बंदी हुए निर्दोषों के लिए
    जिनहे पता है जग तैयार है उनके चरित्र की हत्या के लिए

  2. Brilliant write up again JT. It is these stupid questions by Junta that has made my life absolutely independent of so called society. I give a hoot to what my relatives or my so called well wishers say. And when my parents say log kya kahenge is simply reply logon ki maa ki aankh! People are never there to share your pain but try their best to increase it. SICK that we live in such a society. But alas....you are there for many as their strength!


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