Preparations for “Forgotten women’s day” were going on and we needed to prepare the list of demands for it. A fellow activist asked me ‘Didi, think like a sister and let us know the things you want for yourself“. I tried hard but could not, after two minutes pause I said ”I am not able to think for myself because I genuinely feel it is about men not women. It became a joke that she is not able to think like a woman. I smiled and thought what is there to laugh and whom we are fooling, it is about MEN.
Society has a mindset which is generally conservative. It follows a set pattern and does not allow anything new. So where a man talking about WOMAN is acceptable, a woman talking about MEN is not acceptable. Men were amazed, shocked, surprised to hear and read my strong pro men views. I was an activist the day I entered the movement, nobody actually bothered about my case. People thought so what if the brother is no more she has an amazing life – a husband and two lovely kids. This is another conservative mindset that happiness means a woman, a man and two kids.
Deep inside my heart was burning with queries and there was nobody to answer. I was answering men and counseling men while I myself needed counseling. My gender was a problem which already did lots of damage. After one year of dedicated work and activism Mr. Leader asked me casually one day what is your case and what is the current status.
Give training to men and they will be able to handle everything. I started writing all this and it gave an insecure feeling to many men. I got strong reactions from men when I said men need healing and proper training. Also, there are problems other than the biased laws; men are tortured by their own families. It was not accepted by men because while other women talked about Mothers and Sisters I said problems are created by Mothers and Sisters.
All type of reactions were coming with every thought of mine getting expressed. Insecurity of men was coming out as I was challenging their inherent protector syndrome. I never judge a man so when reactions started coming I searched the reasons behind it. There was an insecurity that I am trying to lead the movement by giving such thoughts. But my thoughts were not created, they were naturally coming.
When I said do not call me DIDI because that makes you my protector unnecessarily, people thought I am rude. Men are really amazing, they will accept an abusive women but not a woman who is thinking their way. They accepted a woman who basically works for Feminism but shows that she is working with MRM. I was asked why I am not sticking to the Mothers and Sisters agenda. This reaction came because of insecurity; they thought I will become the leader. When a movement leaves the basic ideology it fails. I could see that happening.
As I said men are really amazing, a cheating wife is acceptable for them but a woman sharing sex jokes is not acceptable. My using twitter handle #backingrapist was unacceptable to them. It was to counter the media hype about MSY‘s comment on false rape. Reactions came as a shocker to me, men were asking me whether I am a SLUT and what is my rate for one night! Those men who were talking about respecting women suddenly started insulting a woman (me). Men asked me what if my daughter is raped someday. For a woman who has a three year old daughter it is difficult to react on such things.
I decided to ignore and also analyzed this cheap reaction. The amazing MEN are not in habit of listening to bold truths about themselves by a woman. For them, women are saree clad, simple housewives who abuse them day and night and then keep a fast for their long lives so that they can abuse them more. Also women for them are those ETERNAL VICTIMS women who cry day, night and blame men for everything. A woman like me who says MEN are wonderful and they need to be listened and understood is not acceptable.
When I say I know how to protect myself, men thought I am abusive. I heard this since childhood ”Triya Charitram Purushashya bhagya; Devo na janahi kuto manushya” means “You can predict the fate/luck of a man for he is outgoing and hardworking but how do you explain the character of women.” It clearly means it is difficult to understand a woman but I feel it is wrong. It is very difficult to understand a man and that is why men’s studies are needed.
All these saying about women made them eternal victims and they are enjoying this victim hood. Women got the choice to live life as they want means they entered the 21st century but men remained in the 16th century.Woman has the right to choose the role of housewife but man cannot become a house husband. He is the protector and provider as he was and one strike on this MANHOOD makes him uncomfortable. Most men have this MISPLACED ASS SYNDROME, when they think how a woman can damage them; after all she is a WOMAN.
For them women is suppressed from ages and men actually suppressed them, in short the FEMINIST men. But when one woman hits them below the belt they get frustrated. And if the man is not able to give back to that woman he gives back to every woman. Many men who could not answer their wives, girlfriends started taking revenge on me, which is a very normal behavior. I was disappointed for a while by these reactions but thought of facing it. So, I stood firmly with all the strong pro men thoughts of mine.
It is time for men to think about themselves that how the conservatism is damaging them, how the traditional roles are killing them. A man has to fight on so many fronts alone so he should focus on himself. Oh men how does it matter if a woman is giving this message!