Happy First Anniversary to CONFIDARE Delhi

A year back it was an impossible task. It was a dream which I was chasing like a dreamer for almost two years. I was serving as a volunteer in the men’s rights movement;I did whatever I was told to do. I followed all the instructions like a good student. Gradually I realized that park meetings are useless and movement needs structures.

To my delight I came to know that a structure was already made by the pioneers of movement in Bangalore. I liked the idea of CONFIDARE, a community center for men which is open for two days in a week where men can sit and discuss about their problems and learn to fight back.

But it was still a distant dream and I was living with the dream. In Delhi I was alone with this dream as those I thought will come and support me, left me when I chose Confidare. The mere mention of CONFIDARE raised eyebrows and overnight I became nobody in the existing Delhi team. I thought of starting it alone but I got two more friends (Rohit Girdhar and Nishant Sharma) soon.  And we three and the leaders in Bangalore were all set to launch the Delhi Confidare. As I was also the media face for the movement, I got trained how to counsel and coach men facing victimization and distress.

After little bit of hard work we found a place for the center. Amidst all abuses and criticism I was buying the essentials for the center. I was emotionally very down as abuses became personal. I was getting backup support but things were difficult. Finally on 6 April 2014, Delhi Confidare was launched with a legal seminar. We got our first member too. Today we are dealing all types of cases, matrimonial, rape cases, sexual harassment and even preparing the bachelors.

It was again a difficult task to run the center

Running a centre for me is running two houses now.It is like running one house during weekdays and the other at weekend like opening the center, cleaning, sweeping and maintaining other important things.

We were ready to sit idle for a year at least but to our surprise people joined us. We had a doubt how will people accept a new idea but now I feel people were looking for these kinds of options. We gave a good, organized platform and we were accepted gracefully. The crowd at every weekend is the evidence that people wanted us. We are more than 80 in a year and the number is increasing. People loved the idea of counseling in a set format, keeping the records and follow ups. My neighbors, friends, relatives have accepted me as woman who works at weekends.

Thanks to the all who are part of this journey

A big thanks to the leaders of movement who gave me unconditional support when I was in desperate need of support.Thanks to people who bore my repeated questions and mistakes like Virag Dhulia, Anil Kumar, Pandurang Katti  and Rajesh Vakharia. People talk about being gender neutral here but do not practice it .Thank you to the leaders for genuinely thinking beyond gender , a woman heading a community center was acceptable to you all . Although I was warned by a prominent woman in movement that I will be chucked out in two days because of my gender .Thanks to Nishant Sharma, Rohit Girdhar for giving me the strength. I know you will not like the idea of thanking you as we three are the same.

Thank you my abusers and criticizers who gave me strength to prove myself against all odds .

Special thanks to my husband Rahul Pandey for conveniently swapping the ‘gender role’ at weekends. Everybody in Delhi Confidare would have noticed the lunch box I get in afternoon and must have tasted the yummy food made by my husband. I know it is difficult that instead of getting rest in weekend you had to manage home but Rahul never complained. Thank you papa for being the partner and motivation both . 

Thanks to my kids Devvrat and Devyani for accepting the new lifestyle and sometimes (when nobody is available for babysitting) joining with me in office and sitting quietly (I still remember Devvrat making his little sister quiet,” shh.. mummy is on call do not disturb her”). 

And above all,thanks to all the wonderful men who joined us and became a family. The new members who are part of the dream and are living the dream with us – Thank you Rupak Biswas , Rukma Chary ,Bhuvnesh Sharma, Mahesh Yadav,Roopenshu Singh, Neelesh Jain, Sukhjinder Saini, Prashant Tyagi, Dr. Kuldeep Verma, Himanshu Daksh ,Sujit Deshpande , Vijay VG and many more…..

Happy birthday Confidare Delhi, long live