HAPPY DIWALI ????

After three years of activism I don’t have a right to talk like a victim . In past three years I have counseled and coached so many men about how to be strong when life is going out of control . So it is not expected of me to be a weak person . But as festivities are around this thought is coming in my mind again and again that who's festivity it is ? I will not go into religious background behind the festivals , life is tough and monotonous so  the festivals were created to break that monotony . What if breaking the monotony becomes torment for people ?

                                 There are people around me who are fighting a war deep inside and I can see how these festivals are a big torture for them . But how can be a festival torturous ? I was talking to this fellow last night when he suddenly asked ,"do you feel depressed when festivals are around" ,my instant reply was, “yes” .It is indeed depressing for a fellow whose wife left him without any reason and now defaming him everywhere of taking drugs and beating her up . I saw my brother in same situation .

                               It is depressing for an old man who lost his wife and married off her daughter and then got his son married so that the house can be HOME again . But this daughter-in-law has created a mess in their lives . For them Diwali or any other festival is just like any other day when they have to pretend that they are happy . They have to wear that smile always to show that” all is well” . 

       What was the expectation of this man ? He did not want to be a millionaire , he just wanted to have a simple life with a wife and kids , what is wrong with that expectation ?

 A few days ago I got a call from a friend who met his daughter in court after four years and his daughter did not recognize him . He said he was preparing for this day for last so many years but cannot bear when this actually happened . What is the meaning of festival for him ? Still he will search the meaning and try to live like a normal person . 

         Festival has no meaning for an alienated father who does not know whether he will able to see his child ever or not .

 A close friend who lost his father during the fight against legal terrorism is in same situation , festivities around ,makes him more gloomy . How to console a couple who lost their son in the beginning of fight against legal terrorism ? They are far away from the world of feasts , joy but world around wants them to behave normal. 

            A smiling young man who is just out of jail because of one false rape case is deeply sad inside . He is trying hard to live a normal life , he will celebrate the festival  just as a routine life to forget what he has gone through .

   Iam asked the same question how it is sad for me , I have family ,kids . After all happy life means one couple and two kids so in that sense I have a happy life , so what if I lost my brother . But frankly festivals make me feel depress deep inside . It is easy to say that fight with that jealous feeling ,come out of it but it is hard, very hard .

             I never celebrated any Diwali with my brother after marriage but we used to meet on Bhai dooj  it was special for us , we used to hang out, shop ,eat out and had loads of fun together . It is awful every time when I had to remind myself  that it is all over ,search happiness somewhere else . Then there are these close relatives who will come and ask the most cruel and insensitive question “hey how was your rakshabandhan or bhai dooj or any other festival “ , what should be the answer I do not know . In the middle of a marriage function when you feel lost a relative will again strike you with the idiotic question ,” what happened oh c’mon lets dance “ , you feel like giving one tight slap but you will smile and say,” iam not keeping well “.

             The questions by society, family ,friends  are really amazing sometimes . They will ask a man with full audacity that why did your wife leave , what is going on in your case , why don’t  you just say sorry and bring her back  Or  settle the case and get married again . You feel like replying ,” did I ask you for the solution, why don’t you keep your stupid mouth shut and get lost !” But again you cannot reply that and you just wear that frustrating smile . Because you have this in mind that it is festival time and why to spoil  their festival ,Yeah it is their festival not yours .

       One thing is common in above all people , we are all victims of the biased thought process, the MISANDRY . In this fight against MISANDRY victimood is not allowed , we all have to rise above it and give it a tough fight . So leave this world around you with deeyas , rangoli and sweets and gear up to fight against the MISNADRY .